did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
