hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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