Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
