I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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