So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
