dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
