Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
