I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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