so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
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worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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