just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
