could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
