i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
