i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
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