11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
