omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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