Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Randomize
