We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
