I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
