This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
