Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
