every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
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I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
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Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i think im in europe. pls send help
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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