where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
