Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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