All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
