I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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