Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
