# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
