Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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