i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
