I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i need some magic done to my vagina
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
