he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
