cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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