All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
