ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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