i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Enjoy the penises
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
PANTIES FOUND
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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