Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
