Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
