So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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