i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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