i can't believe i had my finger in that
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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