yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
