Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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