just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
