I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
