My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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