Jerry, you need to find god
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this beer tastes like vomit already
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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