You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
