last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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