Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
