We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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