I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
