How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Come on in and take your pants off
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
