I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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