i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
