Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
