Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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