Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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