I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
