I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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