He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
