Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
