Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm at about main and main street
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
