That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize