she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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