Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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