if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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