My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
