It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
