You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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