my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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