I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
