My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just threw up on my dentist
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
